Relational Mindset & Understanding Behaviour to Deepen Connection with Sue Chandler
What if our assumptions are getting in the way of our relationships?
Every day in schools, we navigate relationships. With students. Colleagues. Leaders. Families. Some relationships feel easy and energising. Others leave us frustrated, misunderstood or wondering what we could have done differently.
In this conversation with educator, consultant and author Sue Chandler, we explore The Relational School: From Behaviour Management to Cultural Transformation and why stronger relationships don't begin by changing other people's behaviour. They begin by understanding ourselves.
Together, we unpack how our assumptions shape the way we interpret behaviour, why our own "biography of discipline" continues to influence the way we respond to conflict, and how moving from judgement to curiosity can transform difficult conversations.
One of the things I loved most about this conversation is that Sue doesn't offer another behaviour management strategy. Instead, she invites us to pause, become more aware of the stories we're telling ourselves and approach others with greater curiosity, compassion and understanding.
If you've ever walked away from a conversation wishing it had gone differently, or wondered how to hold high expectations while protecting relationships, I think you'll really enjoy this conversation.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why our assumptions shape the quality of our relationships.
Why understanding your "biography of discipline" matters.
How to move from judgement to curiosity.
How listening to understand can strengthen trust and connection.
Why self-awareness is the foundation of healthy relationships.
And so much more…
Who is Sue Chandler?
Sue Chandler is an educator, facilitator, consultant and author who has spent decades supporting schools to build stronger relational cultures. Drawing on research, lived experience and practical wisdom, Sue helps educators move beyond behaviour management towards approaches that strengthen trust, connection and belonging across whole school communities.
She is the author of The Relational School: From Behaviour Management to Cultural Transformation, a book that invites educators to rethink the assumptions they bring to relationships and develop the self-awareness needed to navigate conflict with greater curiosity, empathy and confidence.
Why does this conversation matter?
Relationships sit at the heart of education. Yet when tensions arise, many of us instinctively focus on changing someone else's behaviour rather than becoming curious about our own assumptions, reactions and experiences.
This conversation matters because it reminds us that every interaction is shaped by the stories we tell ourselves, the experiences we've had and the way we've learned to respond to conflict. Sue challenges us to shift from judgement to curiosity, not because difficult conversations become easier, but because curiosity creates the conditions for greater understanding, trust and connection.
When we understand ourselves more deeply, we become better equipped to understand others.
You can quote us on that…
"The function of curiosity is to learn more about the thoughts, feelings and experiences of the other person."
Sue Chandler
“Often what's sitting behind their behaviour is a lack of skill or a diminished skill set.”
Sue Chandler
Contact
Sus Chandler Website | LinkedIn | Book
Want to learn more?
The learning doesn’t have to stop here. Get your free dose of wellbeing education in your inbox with Meg’s Thought Of The Week. Click here to subscribe.
Loved this episode?
The best way you can support The School of Wellbeing podcast is by sharing this episode with your family, friends and other big-hearted humans in your life! Click here to subscribe and share.
Like what you hear?
Please leave me a review – I love a gold star as much as the next teacher! Click here to review The School of Wellbeing Podcast.
Your Questions Answered:
What is a relational mindset?
A relational mindset is the way we choose to understand and respond to the people around us. Rather than seeing behaviour in isolation, it encourages us to become curious about what might be influencing another person's actions, while also recognising the assumptions, experiences and beliefs we bring to every interaction.
As Sue Chandler explains, stronger relationships begin with greater self-awareness. When we understand our own patterns and reactions, we're better able to respond with curiosity instead of judgement.
What is a "biography of discipline"?
Your biography of discipline refers to the experiences that have shaped the way you think about behaviour, conflict, authority and relationships. These experiences often begin in childhood and continue through school, family life and the workplaces we have been part of.
Understanding your biography of discipline helps explain why certain situations trigger strong emotional responses and why different people can interpret the same behaviour in very different ways. Becoming aware of these influences allows us to respond more intentionally rather than automatically.
How can educators move from judgement to curiosity?
Moving from judgement to curiosity begins by slowing down before reacting. Instead of assuming we know why someone behaved a certain way, we can ask ourselves what else might be true and what we might not yet understand.
This shift doesn't mean lowering expectations or avoiding accountability. Rather, it creates the conditions for more productive conversations, stronger relationships and solutions that are built on understanding rather than assumption. Over time, choosing curiosity helps create school communities where trust, belonging and collaboration can flourish.
